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Blatter, Terry and Suarez Make GQ Magazine’s ’25 Biggest Sleazebags In Sports’ List

English Premier League

Blatter, Terry and Suarez Make GQ Magazine’s ’25 Biggest Sleazebags In Sports’ List

FIFA president Sepp Blatter, FC Barcelona striker Luis Suárez and Chelsea captain are the footballing figures making GQ Magazine’s 2014 ‘25 Biggest Sleazebags In Sports‘ list. This is what GQ had to say about their antics.

The realm of sports is where the human spirit seeks glory and achievement. It is also where some human spirits seek blow jobs, payoffs, and cushier luxury boxes. With the NBA desperately trying to purge every trace of Donald Sterling, this is the perfect time to catalog the men in sports right now who surpass normal shitbaggery to achieve a kind of Trump-like transcendence. GQ’s Drew Magary lists them in the September issue.

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3. Sepp Blatter
All it took was $5 million and a fancy sketch of a hovering air conditioner for the FIFA president and his board to bestow hosting duties for the 2022 World Cup upon Qatar, a nation that treats its migrant workers worse than Germany treated Brazil in its 2014 Cup debacle. Will Blatter answer for this? Of course not. Blatter is so unbeholden to any form of international law or common decency that he can simply rampage from country to country, looting coffers and shitting on poor people as he pleases. He is a walking nightmare of diplomatic immunity.

13. Luis Suárez
Give it up for the man who made soccer just violent enough for Americans to get interested, and all it took was biting someone for a third time. You could make veneers for Suárez simply by fashioning a mold from an Italian defender’s shoulder. He also once taunted a rival by calling him a negro—seven times—which is still a slur, even when you say it in Spanish.

14. John Terry
The former England national-team captain reportedly had sex with a teammate’s ex-girlfriend (while he was married, natch) and called an opponent a “fucking black cunt,” which is still a slur, even when you say it in British.

Blatter, Terry and Suarez Make GQ Magazine's '25 Biggest Sleazebags In Sports' List

So just who are they in the company of on the list? Here are a couple of recent sports newsmakers on there.

1. Donald Sterling
The standard-bearer for all worldwide sleaziness. Racist? Yes. Cheap? Oh yes. Horny Neanderthal? Oh God, yes, yes! A landlord? Check—and by the way, if you don’t have a check for him and you are a Latino, he will evict you three days early. He’s like a Voltron of shitbags fused together. This is a man who once negotiated buying a fur coat for a mistress in front of the mistress’s mom. There is no introspection with Donald Sterling. There is no remorse. There is no shred of decency tucked inside of him that will engender some measure of sympathy. There is only this, taken from his deposition: “If you are having sex with a woman you are paying for, you always call her honey because you can’t remember her name.” Pure class, kids.

12. Ray Rice
Earlier this year, the former Ravens running back knocked his wife unconscious and dragged her body out of an elevator. And he couldn’t even bring himself to drag her all the way out of the elevator. He left her with her feet caught in the doorway; he was that inconsiderate. His apology was almost as awful: “I won’t call myself a failure. Failure is not getting knocked down. It’s not getting up… I want you to know that I’m still the Ray Rice that you know, or used to know, or grown to love.” This is what separates the Ray Rices of the world from your standard, everyday creeps: a remarkable ability to victimize themselves while victimizing others. Folks, do not judge Ray Rice until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes, presumably while dragging your wife behind you.

See GQ’s funny as hell list of sports’ most notorious characters in 2014 here.

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